25 thoughts at 25

  1. Every day should start with a cup of tea.
  2. Goats are nowhere near as weird and confusing as you might originally think.
  3. They may be small and enjoyed by next door’s horses, but sugar cubes do not make for child-friendly snacks. I’m looking at you, maternal grandmothers of the world.
  4. Having a summer birthday is fantastic for all kinds of reasons; weather, present and work-related. Wherever possible, strive to be born in July.
  5. Not knocking your own front teeth out on a table as a three year-old is will spare you a traumatic subsequent decade of reparative dental treatment. Avoiding sugar cubes also helpful.
  6. Ownership of two dogs is just about manageable, even after they teach each other how to open doors. Adding a third into the equation, however, brings about total domestic armageddon. Do not ever do this.
  7. A similar principle applies to human offspring. Just ask my parents.
  8. Every twatfaced dickwad that was ever mean to you at school actually does end up working in a supermarket. Ha!
  9. I guess I did too, yes, but not for long. Only through university. And a bit after I finished. But that’s a completely different situation. Totally incomparable. Let’s not go into it now.
  10. JK Rowling should stop faffing around with detective novels and write a Harry Potter prequel about Dumbledore and Grindelwald’s tumultuous, muggle-baitingly homosexual love affair instead. If she doesn’t do this in the next ten years, I’m going to write it for her. BADLY.
  11. Bjork’s Homogenic is the best album of the last 25 years.
  12. Girls Aloud’s Biology is the best pop song of the last 25 years.
  13. Insects ranked in order of horror: 3. Moths 2. Spiders 1. DADDY LONG-LEGS. This is fact.
  14. I’m at my best after 2 glasses of wine.
  15. It’s all downhill after a third, however.
  16. Philip Pullman’s His Dark Materials trilogy should be mandatory reading in all faith schools. See also: my upcoming Dumbledore/Grindelwald prequel.
  17. Undergraduate law dissertations can be written in 48 hours.
  18. Pre-middle age Fran Healy was the most beautiful man alive.
  19. My current career owes more to the Alex Parks fansite I wasted much of my teenage life on than all five years of university study put together.
  20. Alex Parks was amazing.
  21. If you’re regularly spending your evenings alone with bottles of wine and ice cream, chances are you’re not very happy. It’s also highly likely that you know why this is, and are just reluctant to sort it out. Sort it out, and stop wasting all your money on cookie dough.
  22. Also – CUT YOUR HAIR.
  23. Joy is a gently refrigerated can of Diet Cherry Coke.
  24. If I had written a book for every time I said “I’m going to write a book”, I would have written a lot of books. I’m going to write a book.
  25. At 25, I am the happiest and most fulfilled I’ve ever been. I love my job, my friends, the weird things I can do with my thumbs and our demonic family poodle, Roxie. But no matter where I end up, personally or professionally, I’ll never truly get over that time I got a B in Higher History. Fuckssakes.
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One thought on “25 thoughts at 25

  1. Pingback: Day 15: Life’s a lesson (?) | OWLS & TEAPOTS

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